I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
