sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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