my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
