I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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