Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
