Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He shit in the fireplace
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
