I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your cock deserves a montage
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
