fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
