Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
