Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
