just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
