my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
