I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
