This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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