I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
