DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
