Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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