is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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