my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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