It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No subtext here. People are naked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
