totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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