i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
