Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
did i walk over a car last night?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
