About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
