Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
