I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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