We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
