doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
