there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
