haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
