so that wasnt chicken after all
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
