It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
