Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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