guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
