And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
