youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
