good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
