just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
how does that bad decision feel?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
