I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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