I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
