I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
