Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
