She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
