she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
