That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
