Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
