in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
