and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
