The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
