I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
