Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
