Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
