Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
