ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
